Just over a month ago I went to a party and, um, it was a pretty weird thing for me to do.
It was a really crowded house party and I went in and had a really good time and I met some
cool people and I was really bothered by the thought that I would never see them again.
And the problem was actually that I would see them again but I wouldn't know it
I wouldn't recognize them.
So I went online to do some research and I knew where to go and I typed in face blindness.
Prosopagnosia, is in, I'm sorry, I have prosopagnosia
It's a lot cooler than saying I can't remember your name to someone I've apparently known
for years.
Reading these websites really helped me to understand what's been going on all my life.
I can see faces but I can't make much sense of it.
I can't recognize face.
And why I often prefer to be socially isolated.
Because alone I can escape from the constant low level paranoia that comes from being around
people.
And psychiatric medication doesn't do shit for that because I really am being watched
by people and I don't know who they are.
Damn!
Hello, My name is Brion Wagner
And I am, and have been, mentally ill for most of my life.
I had a vision, doctors had cut open my head to look inside.
What came out was shameful, disgusting
Even the doctors were sick.
I think this was an early experience with depression.
I was about 8
Within a couple of years, I was planning suicide.
It was comforting to know
I always had that option if I'd ever gotten too much to bear.
It's always there if I need it.
Jump off the Hunter Street bridge and hit the ice and freeze there.
Like a Don Martin cartoon from Mad magazine.
With icicles and everything, it would be hilarious.
But I've learned a few ways out of it.
And one of them was creative effort.
It helps me focus and I can prod me into working and into caring about something.
It really bugs me when people say they're not creative.
When they just mean they don't paint.
Paint pictures or whatever.
Everyone can be creative.
It just takes a shift in perspective away from common sense.
Which is thinking the way we've been taught to think.
Common sense can be useful but will not solve old problems in new ways.
Will not giving us anything original.
Problem solving on the job or at home or whatever is creative.
Creative effort is empowering and healing.
You don't have to make art to be creative.